“I Don’t Need The Meditation.” Au Contraire Sir, You Really Do!
I write a lot about the beautiful sessions that I experience with my clients. By now you must think I only have amazing sessions, that somehow I am beyond human in my compassion, tolerance, kindness and sex drive. Sadly this is not the case. I am very human and sometimes my sessions are a car crash.
I try my utmost to avoid the car crashes. My booking process weeds out a lot of people whose desires or needs are not in alignment with my work and I am careful to confirm which of my services a client wants before s/he arrives.
Today was a car crash and it was, in part, because yesterday I simply gave up trying to extract from this client which service he wanted, suggesting that we chat about it on his arrival. I assumed that because he had visited before he knew, appreciated and liked the way that I work. BIG mistake.
As he walked into my carefully prepared space he told me that he wanted Kama (my full sex service) with a massage but added bluntly and somewhat dismissively, “I don’t need the meditation.” He is a man of mature years with the material trappings of a very successful life – the gold watch, the big flash Range Rover – and he fully expected me to give him exactly what he wanted on his terms.
But, as you know, I am a whore, not a prostitute.
I offer very specific services which I have explained and described in great detail both on the main pages of my site and in my blog posts. The only reason why he could assume to dictate how I run my session is because he manages to combine entitled arrogance and a deep lack of respect for me and my work.
As my husband points out this is not hugely unusual from people who have made A LOT of money – they have become accustomed to “Walking all over others” and it programmes them to behave in toxic and, sometimes, self-defeating ways.
Let me repeat. I am a whore, not a prostitute. Which means your money cannot buy me. Which always comes as a huge surprise to men who are used to buying everything (including the trophy wife).
Yes, I exchange money for my services, just as you almost certainly do, but I dictate how I give my services, not my clients. I am deeply honoured and proud to work in the way that I do and my hackles rise in much the same way, as I imagine a solicitor’s or tax advisor’s hackles rise when their clients deem to tell them how to do their job.
If you don’t like the way I choose to work, book someone else! But do not take a booking in my busy diary (that I could give to someone who respects my work) to then walk into my space and disrespect my very carefully considered and crafted practices.
Furthermore, Mr “I Don’t Need The Meditation” turned out to very much need the meditation.
I have long used meditation in my practice. For years I would meditate as part of my transition process from mother to whore. Mothering is a frazzling business! Lots of rushing around ticking jobs off a list, knowing where everything is and anticipating multiple needs from multiple people. It is the opposite way of being to the calm and deeply present whore.
So, after doing the school run, walking the dog, hanging out the laundry, unstacking the dishwasher, tidying the house, making the bed, showering, doing my hair and dressing I would sit and talk my way through a calming and connecting body meditation before my client arrived.
I also used a tantric body meditation with all of my coaching clients and in my personal life as a means to connect more deeply during sex. But for years I chose not to lead my Anabelle clients through this incredibly powerful tantric practice.
My tantra teacher Layla Martin used to say “Lighting a few candles does not turn a regular massage into a tantric massage.” She was alluding to the fact that the word “tantra” has been co-opted by the sex industry to sell a service that resembles tantra like chicken nuggets resemble roast chicken.
I was marketing my tantric massages to people who were expecting chicken nuggets and for years I lacked the confidence to give them roast chicken. But the thing about confidence is that it grows and I became increasingly aware that my clients only wanted chicken nuggets because they had never tasted a well roasted organic, free range chicken – which I have the knowledge and skills to give them.
I decided to move my meditation time inside the session time so that my clients could be led through the same meditation I had been leading myself through for years. The results have been miraculous.
Why is meditation before a sexual service so powerful?
Well firstly, it relaxes your physical body. A relaxed body experiences sexual energy in a very different way to a tense body. Tension pushes sexual energy out of the body (ejaculation) in part because tension and tightness create blocks to the natural flow of energy around the body.
When you are deeply relaxed, and free from tension, sexual energy can expand inside of your body, moving to fill every cell of your body so that orgasm, when it happens, is an expanded, whole body experience. Tantra is not actually about “better sex” it’s about consciously connecting to your energy body, your creatrix power, and connecting to the energy of other people through, amongst other things, sex.
You connect to your energy body by feeling and connecting via your senses to sensation in your body. The meditation I guide myself and my clients through is a body meditation – it brings your awareness into your body so that you have a heightened physical experience inside your body. When I finish the meditation my body is fizzing all over and I know from client feedback that this is very often their experience too. What an incredible way to feel before you’ve even touched!
It takes about 10 minutes. I ask my clients to close their eyes, listen to the music, smell the scent of divine masculine – frankincense incense – burning in the room, and to feel sensations both on their skin and inside their body. I guide them to connect with their breath, coaching them gently on using the exhale to relax their physical body and the inhale to oxygenate, and so grow their energy body.
Oxygenating the body serves two powerful purposes in tantra. First the rapid intake of oxygen expands and grows your energy body (like bellows strengthen an unsure flame into a roaring fire) and second it takes down your cerebral cortex – your bossy, busy, rule following, conditioned mind – leaving you free to enjoy your sexual pleasure in a shame free, rule free, performance free way.
The combination of a quiet mind and an activated body is super powerful when it comes to experiencing your sexual energy in unfamiliar yet powerfully expanded ways. And it is both my passion and my mission to introduce my clients to this power within them.
If I could wave a magic wand over humanity for them to experience more connected sex, it would be to get them out of their heads and into their bodies. This is why I now always start my massage sessions with a meditation, I am waving my magic wand.
Gone are the days when I will give a tantra-lite massage. There are loads of women who do that, but as you know, I am a whore not a prostitute and I serve roast chicken.
When today’s client told me that he didn’t need the meditation, I simply smiled (hopefully hiding my irritation) and replied, “Yes you do.”
I invited him to undress and lie down so that we could begin. But you and I both know that from that point onwards it was a waste of my time (and his). He was certain that he didn’t need the meditation so he lay in stubborn resistance – you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.
I loved the meditation and my body was fizzingly alive when I asked him to roll over. I turned the music up slightly and placed my hands on his sacral and heart chakras. The irritation I had felt when he had dismissed my practice as unnecessary had dissolved, I had let it flow out of me on the exhale as I guided him to “Release, relax and let go.”
I gave him an exquisite massage, making sure to include his arms and the heart opening points on the palms of his hands. His feet curled around my breasts as I massaged them, his buttocks lifted up to grind against my body as I glided over his bottom. It was sensual, erotic and at times very sexy, exactly what he had wanted, but I knew he was only accessing a fragment of the sensation that would have been available to him if he had allowed himself to receive the meditation.
The build up to the car crash started when I asked him to roll over and the session transitioned from a Musubi massage (where I am in control and giving pleasure) to Kama full sex service in which I hand over the reins a bit and receive as well as give pleasure.
Receiving pleasure from a man who opened the session by disrespecting you is always a challenge. The meditation and the massage had moved my body from irritated shut down to open-to-being-persuaded, but she did still need persuasion.
As women’s bodies go, mine is really very easy to persuade. Especially when you, the giver, are connected to the energy in your own body so can feel the energy communicating from my body – which ahem – is the point of the meditation. When the two (or more) people having sex are connected to the energy (sensation) in their bodies, have stopped thinking about sex and are feeling sex it’s easy, it flows and it is utterly magical.
But if you are stuck in your head and not connected to sensation in your body it is so easy to get it wrong. And boy did my client today get it wrong.
Sex from the head feels wrong. This is because when people give touch and sex from their heads they are following a recipe, a manual, a list of pre-programmed DOs, they are not feeling and responding to the person they are actually with.
For most of human history humans lived in their bodies and sex would have been an extension of that. Then the patriarchs got busy and wrote a sexual rule book, which as you will know by now if you’re a regular reader of mine, was written to shut down human (particularly female) sexuality.
Severed from our natural connection to our bodies we stopped feeling sex, replacing feeling with thinking and the results are just icky. The giver doesn’t know why it is all going wrong and can’t feel what to do to make things better. So they frantically work through their list of “Things I DID that once worked” in a desperate attempt to please their partner who is dealing with the great big ICK of having sex with someone who is not connected to their own humanity, let alone hers.
With my body moving over his, my oily breasts massaging his torso and occasionally stroking his cock, his fingers briefly found my vulva. “Ooh good” I thought, I love my vulva being stroked as I stroke a cock with my body. I imagined our sensual play slowly becoming more sexual until I reached for a condom and we fucked.
Then to my surprise and horror his fingers passed over my delicious vulva – a body part that is well known to get aroused when stroked – and one of them pushed into my arse suddenly and abruptly. After a few moments of over-excited prodding around in my anus with a sharp nailed finger, just as suddenly and abruptly he was heading back to my cunt – with the same finger.
Let’s set aside the crass disregard for my body’s health and hygiene and let’s return to sensation in the body. IF he had been in any way connected to sensation in his body he would have been enjoying the feeling of energy moving from my body to his cock as I glided up and down his front. He would have lost himself in our sensual kissing, he would have pleasured my breasts, my nipples, my vulva, my clit – all the quite standard places to turn a woman on!
But his head had a mission. And it was to tick anal play off his bucket list. So with seriously poor timing he just pushed his finger inside me. And timing is everything.
I removed my body from his, slid down to the bottom of the bed, pulled a thin latex glove from the box I keep on the chaise longue and said, “Ooh, I see someone is excited about anal play! You’re the one with the prostate, you’ll enjoy it so much more than I do!” and applying lube to my finger (I am better mannered than he is) I pushed in my finger.
Regular readers will know that this is never, ever the way to enter an arse, male or female, but I gave him what he had just assumed to give me. He didn’t like it any more than I did, despite having a prostate. Removing my finger and the glove, I sat over him, rolled a condom onto his actually very beautiful cock and rode him. He felt nothing. Of course he didn’t! He was wearing a condom and had not connected to sensation in any other part of his body.
It was soon pretty tiresome. I closed my eyes to hide my boredom. I knew he was desperate for me to come and squirt on his cock like I had in our previous session, but Mr IDNTM had angered my cunt with his thoughtless finger and once angered she will fuck you until you come, but she won’t give you the pleasure of her pleasure as she does so.
His mind was racing, I could see it and feel it. He was rummaging through the “How to have good sex” guide that he had written for himself in his 7 plus decades of life. His suggestion was that I remove the condom and finish him off in his mouth while he finger me.
Anything to bring this session to an end my cunt begged.
So I raised myself off his cock, removed the condom and bent down to give him the best blow job that my mouth and throat were willing to give. And this is the critical part. Women’s bodies open for lovers when they are respected and pleasured.
This whore is a woman, my body opens delightfully for lovers who respect and honour me. She is far less willing with someone who seeks to control me. Today my body was pretty damned reluctant. I needed to progress carefully so as not to violate her boundaries.
Over the years I have often had to negotiate with my cunt. She will be saying, “Really?!!” and I will find myself offering her all sorts of promises and inducements to carry us through the session. We have a good working relationship and she has not had to give me a UTI, thrush or anything worse to get my attention and respect for over a decade.
I love her deeply. I respect her immeasurably and I am so grateful to have lived this lifetime in partnership with her. She trusts me. And because she trusts me I can go to incredible places with her and my clients. I will not break my relationship with her for anyone.
Bent over his cock, carefully taking his girth into my mouth, I manoevered my body so that his clean hand could find my cunt. I still expected him to start sensuously stroking my vulva, partly because he had told me he wanted the massage (without the meditation) because he enjoyed sensual sex, but also because I just thought that is the kind, respectful and thoughtful way to approach a woman’s cunt.
I had forgotten that despite saying that he likes sensual sex, Mr IDNTM wasn’t connected to sensation in his body so he couldn’t feel what would work for me in that moment. He was thinking, obsessively by this point, about what would make him come. Feeling me squirt over his hand whilst his cock was in my mouth would make him come, so respect be damned, kindness be damned, thoughtfulness be damned! He was going to make me squirt!
When he referred to his not-very-good-homemade-guide-to-sex he found that hard fucking is what makes him come. “Aha, that is what will make her squirt, hard finger fucking, just the way MY COCK LIKES IT!”
So, whilst sucking his cock my cunt had to endure 2 or 3 hard (and in places painfully sharp) fingers thrusting in and out of me at a manic pace. She took the frenzied fingers for about 30 seconds and then she screamed, “Anabelle, ENOUGH!!”
And because I am an empowered whore and not a prostitute or a trophy wife I respected my cunt’s wishes and agreed to stop his intolerable treatment of her vulnerable gentleness.
I moved my body away from his fingers, lifted my mouth from his cock and said, “That hurts. Why do you think my cunt would enjoy such violent treatment? I don’t slap your cock?”
As I said these words my right hand reached down and slapped his beautiful erection a few times, just to make the point.
I don’t feel proud about doing that, but I am a deeply honest person and if I am going to write about a car crash I have to include the moment I crashed the car!
By mutual agreement we agreed to end the session. It was about 10 minutes before the end of the 90 minutes he had paid for. I took him down to the shower, and when he was dressed showed him to the door. I didn’t give him a partial refund, because I don’t work like that. He booked my time. He used my time. His lack of respect for me and the way in which I work meant he had a poor experience so he won’t book again and we will both benefit from that.
I write a lot about how shit sex has shut down female sexuality. Mine is not shut down because I have been lucky enough to have had hundreds more good sexual experiences than bad ones and I am prepared to stop the sex when my body says NO MORE. I will and I do negotiate with my cunt when she isn’t 100% about someone, I say, “Be kind, give him a chance.” Very often our kindness pays off and we have an incredible time with him.
Today, with Mr IDNTM, we did not have a good time and she pressed me to bring it to an end, so I did.
Which is sad. It truly is. Mr IDNTM really needed the meditation.
He needed to take the time to be guided to connect to his body.
He needed to feel sensation in his body from where he would feel my energy, my turn on, my sensation.
The meditation would have helped him to connect with sensation which would have led to the sensual session he desired.
He would have been guided by the energy we co-created to give my body what she wanted to light up and squirt all over him.
But because he knew better than the expert, he left with his tail between his legs, his ball bag still achingly full and his relationship with the whore – who could have guided him to deep intimate pleasure in the final decade of his life – severed.
Recommended further reading:
“Vagina” by Naomi Wolf
(This is such a good book to read to understand the vital importance of orgasm for women and the price we pay when we don’t experience regular orgasm in our lives. This is an essential read for any man who wants to honour cunt and for any woman who wants to understand herself better.)
“The Woman’s Anatomy of Arousal – Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure” by Sheri Winston
(If Vagina explains the problem, The Woman’s Anatomy of Arousal is, as described, a map, a “how to” guide, a good quality update to the useless manual so many men carry in their minds. It taught me more about my body than any man ever did. An essential book for every home. Gift it to your children, male and female, it will change their lives!)
