Giving Adonis an Adonis Massage – The Day I Met Black Panther

 I am a married woman and I am a whore. Strange combination you might think?! 

 

Actually it is perfect. I am very happy in my marriage, I am married to an incredible man, who is proud of my work, as I am of his. We met over 12 years ago and are still very much in love. We have one of those beautiful loves that gets stronger and stronger with every passing year and, importantly for both of us, our sex just gets better and better as our bodies age. 

 

After work I find it really helpful to transition from whore, not only back to mother, but also to wife. It keeps me grounded. And it stops me from losing myself in my work. When an enthusiastic client invites me away on holiday or out to dinner I genuinely don’t want to go – I want to be with hubby. So whilst I am willing to go – if they pay me of course – I don’t get confused and blur my boundaries by being nice and accommodating. 

 

I genuinely like and even love my clients when they are with me. I am uniquely placed to experience a part of people that most people don’t connect to, I know I have quite a few clients who experience parts of themselves that they don’t connect to with their wives or anyone else. I feel deeply honoured to be that person. I value my clients’ trust and faith in me and work with integrity not to break it.

 

And, very importantly, other than my pay, I don’t want anything from my clients. That is the exchange. It is clean. It is professional and it keeps both sides safe and boundaried. I feel it is very important that I never want anything back from my clients. Life would become an agony if I were waiting for a text from every man I had shared a beautiful moment with. 

 

So after work I refocus my love and my energy on my man, my god, my king. 

 

Then one day, as a delivery man was unloading a bulky delivery in my drive, my client arrived. Earlier, I had messaged to warn him about the delivery and to ask him to park on the lane instead of the drive. He had replied politely that that would be no problem. 

 

I was feeling a bit more frazzled than I like to feel. 5 minutes before his arrival I had been out on the drive in curlers and kimono signing the paperwork. And there he was, calmly walking towards me like a character out of a Marvel movie – Black Panther in the flesh. 

 

He was BEAUTIFUL. All my clients are beautiful. They all have beauty within them and every single soul is a beautiful being, but this man was BE-AUT-I-FUL. Drop dead gorgeous, turn heads in the streets, kind of beautiful. Young, tall, broad, well built and he was walking towards me standing in the doorway feeling very old, frumpy, normal and, well, inadequate.

 

Fuck I thought, he’s made a mistake. This is going to be soooo awkward.

 

“Hi, lovely to meet you” I smiled. He returned the greeting and stepped inside, sliding off his shoes and following me up the stairs.

 

“Do you need to use the loo?” I gabbled.

 

“No,” he said with smiling eyes, “I think I’m alright, thank you.”

 

Oh his voice. He had a beautiful voice too. HELP!! 

 

I showed him into my room, checked that my Adonis massage was the service that matched his desires, asked about prostate massage, his reply, “I don’t want to deny myself the experience, but I’m not completely sure,” then asked him to undress and lie face up on the bed for the meditation. 

 

I am meant to be the calm one. It is my job to be calm and reassuring to steady my client’s nerves and I wasn’t feeling at all calm. I had a bad case of imposter syndrome. What was this complete Adonis doing in my space? 

 

He lay down, I spread the sarong over him and I started the meditation. Thankfully, because I say it most days, the words found their own way out of me and calmed me as they guided him into a deep relaxation, connecting him to his senses and through them, to his energy body. I kept my eyes closed, I generally do, but on this occasion it was to stop myself from seeing the horror on his face when he realised his mistake. 

 

Meditation over, I asked him to roll over, turned up the music, placed my palms on his sacral and heart chakras and then drizzled oil over his back. It glistened in the candlelight. I have massaged some beautiful backs, I have even been in the presence of other Adonis backs, but this one thrilled me like never before. I think it was the play of candlelight on his dark, oiled skin and the contrast with my pale hands, it was exquisite. 

 

What is he doing here? He’s perfect. Why would he want to spend time with you? You are so unworthy of him.  Over and over the same unhelpful thoughts interrupted my hands. I felt less free and flowing than I usually do – when I feel worthy. 

 

I had to get a handle on myself or I would not give this beautiful man the massage that he was most worthy of. 

 

So I gave myself a talking to. I reminded myself that I am a whore. We are here, above all, to give service. I did not have time for all this “I’m not worthy” BS, I needed to put my shoulders back and behave like a proper whore so that this Adonis received the service he had come here for. 

 

It sounds like an easy task, to give yourself a bit of a talking to and banish the “I’m not worthy” voices and feelings long enough for you to do your job, but it hasn’t been easy for me. 

 

Raised by a family which told me, daily, for years that  “You are the ugly one”, “You are impossible”, “You are difficult”, “You are angry”, “You are disruptive”, “You are unwanted because of your behaviour,” I developed a very strong ego identity about being deeply unwanted and unworthy. I’ve done a lot of work to re-wire myself and, “I’m not worthy” is still obviously in there because it still shows up on occasion.

 

My lack of worthiness was very much based on looks. Yes, you all tell me I’m attractive, and I know I am attractive enough, but I am not on the same level as this Adonis. I have age, height, lack of athleticism and just boring old genes against me. As I massaged his back I just felt older and fatter and flabbier. Oh dear!

 

And then, the queen in me said, very powerfully, “ENOUGH Anabelle. This lovely man has entrusted his beautiful body into your very capable hands, give him what he came for and what he deserves.” 

 

I closed my eyes, I connected to the music and I connected with his energy beneath his skin. Under his perfect cloak he was as vulnerable and as human as me and I had been in danger of denying him connection because of my feelings of unworthiness.

 

For shame.

 

After the stern talking to from my queen the session was beautiful. He had requested that I incorporate my feet into the massage in some way. After massaging his feet, I leant back, oiled up my feet and rubbed them over his shoulders, buttocks, thighs and back. I enjoyed the challenge and the creative playfulness. 

 

I did give him a prostate massage. His anus was very unsure and it took a long time for him to open for my finger. I wielded my feet to both arouse and reassure him, stroking his legs with my right foot as my finger quietly moved into him. Inside I stayed very still, feeling for his racing pulse to slow down and allow his muscles to relax. They did and I was able to gently massage his prostate. 

 

I was careful to remove my finger as gently as I had inserted it. If you pull a finger out quickly it shocks the sphincter muscle into tightening and tensing, gripping the finger you are trying to remove. I didn’t want to cause him any shock, so I very, very slowly removed my finger as my left hand moved down his back from his heart chakra until, finger removed, my left hand cupped his anus gently.

 

I circled my breasts around his buttocks a few more times distributing the energy that would have been released by the prostate massage and then as the music quietened to almost nothing I asked him to roll over.

 

I had dealt with my “I am not worthy,” now I had a new challenge. He had booked for an Adonis which is a classic, very boundaried tantric massage. He had reiterated when I asked on his arrival, that he wanted a session in which he felt the energy moving inside of his body, not an interactive session. My role was to facilitate his pleasure.

 

When he rolled over I wanted to devour him. 

 

I had admired, and felt slightly intimidated by, his beautiful back. As I appraised the front of his body I simply desired him. If he had booked for Kama or Musubi, this would have been fine, I could have enjoyed moving my body up and down his torso, holding his cock between my thighs, feeling it inside me if he had booked Kama – oh I ached to feel him inside me. 

 

But he had booked a boundaried Adonis. I am a professional and had no idea about his personal situation. I don’t allow an Adonis massage to go “off piste” because it is only by having strong boundaries that my clients are safe with me. I may have strongly desired him, but he had not booked a Kama session to fuck, so I couldn’t allow my desires off the leash.

 

I smiled, breathed deeply – a long, slow exhale – and poured oil over his torso, in circles around his perfect flat belly, along his shaft, over his strong thighs and I continued to honour this perfect, perfect man, who I really, really wanted to fuck, with the most beautiful massage that I am capable of giving. 

 

I kept my eyes closed as much as I could to keep my mind clear of all intruding thoughts of sitting astride him, taking his cock into my body, of feeling his beautiful big hands on my back (a bit calloused – carpenter? I wondered), of lowering my nipples into his mouth to feel a sharp nip from his teeth, of kissing those full lips. 

 

Yep, I had to keep my eyes closed.

 

It’s an unfamiliar feeling for me to desire someone so much. You may think that strange, let me explain. 

 

In sex I have very strong feminine energy – I am a masterful receiver. I give an exquisite massage, but my real talent is in receiving and mirroring back the energy that a lover gives me.

 

Think moon/sun. Where the sun (masculine energy) is the source of light – the giver of pleasure – the moon (feminine energy) merely reflects the light, or the joy, given by the sun. 

 

Without the sun we would never see the moon. And it is usually the sun in another person who lights up my moon. Which is why I come alive in the arms of a lover but am very quickly bored by self pleasure. I, the moon, respond to other people’s desire, I am not the sun, radiating desire for others. 

 

Yet here I was filled with incredibly strong, desirous energy. I wanted to move the session from massage to full sex. Every fibre of my body was begging me to make the first move and seduce him into sex.

 

I may be a sexually empowered woman but I am also a whore. I hadn’t met this beautiful, crazily desirable man in a bar, I had brought him into my life via my website in which I offer professional services with professional boundaries. I had checked in with him at the beginning and he had reiterated that he wanted the boundaried service.

 

We would have incredible sex.

 

But that wasn’t what he had asked for.

 

I may be experiencing unfamiliar sun energy in my body, but I would have to keep it under wraps. 

 

I moved my body further away from the temptation of his and arranged myself at the bottom of the bed, between his feet, so that I could massage his chest and cock with my feet. I had to use all my concentration to do this safely which made for a really good distraction for my overheating sun.

 

His eyes were closed. His body relaxed, his whole being was lost in the experience. I should have been really pleased with myself, I could tell he was having a really beautiful inner experience. I manoevered my body into position for the lingam massage, took his splendid cock in my hands and released a few really long, deep, slow exhales.

 

His lingam, like the rest of his body, was a complete joy to massage. I opened my eyes a few times to check that he was still relaxed and to locate my oil bottle, but as I generally like to do, I massaged his lingam with my eyes closed, following the music connecting to his energy and losing myself in the experience.

 

He came explosively after about 20 minutes – just the right amount of time I noted with satisfaction. And he lay still for quite a while. His energy was calmer which calmed mine. I opened my eyes as I rubbed his sperm onto my breasts. I surveyed his beautiful, relaxed body with a mixture of deep satisfaction and pride and also regret. I remember stroking his right thigh with my left hand and as I watched my hand move slowly over his glistening skin thinking, I could fall so in love with you.

 

Not I love you. Not you are deeply loved. Not I am channelling love from the divine to you. 

 

I could fall in love with you.

 

The last man I thought that about is now my husband. 

 

I thought I was immune from falling for a client. I thought I was the consummate professional. 

 

And I am. I had this feeling, I had these thoughts and I didn’t act on them. I am the consummate professional. 

 

He opened his eyes and said, “That was immense. Thank you.” I smiled my reply – you’re welcome, my pleasure. And I said, “You have a very perfect body, it was a joy to give you a massage.”

 

“Thank you, I work hard in the gym to achieve it. I am glad you liked it. That’s good to hear.” He laughed gently. Oh, his voice….

 

We talked weights and he told me he can hold his own body weight hanging from his hands for a full 4 minutes (explaining the callouses on his hands), “I can do 10 seconds” I laughed. 

“10 seconds is better than no seconds, every little bit helps” he purred. 

 

It felt very intimate sitting between his legs, holding his softening cock in my hands. Looking down so that there was no chance of making eye contact, I said, “It’s lucky I am a married woman, I could fall very in love with you.” He didn’t say anything, but seemed a bit taken aback. 

 

I continued nervously, talking to fill the silence – an annoying habit of mine, “I mean you’re just incredibly beautiful, it’s such an honour to touch a body like yours. At the start I had a big inner battle with feelings of unworthiness and had to give myself a stern talking to…..”

 

His response interrupted my flow, “You felt unworthy? I was worried you wouldn’t open your door to me!”

 

I looked at him. For a moment I held his gaze. And felt such shame and sadness for the multiple ways humans have found to divide ourselves from each other. Age, race, class, beauty, hobbies, income, the cars we drive, the houses we live in – all conditioned egoic ways to keep us separated from each other, partitioning ourselves into narrower and narrower silos, limiting our life experiences and keeping us divided. 

 

I stroked his beautiful body, not wanting to let him go. To keep him on my bed talking, talking about anything so that I could feel the vibrations of his beautiful voice stirring every cell of my being. I wanted to keep my hands on his body feeling the energy of him moving through me. I feared if I let him go I would never feel him again. 

 

Then he said something that my former self (as in my 90 minutes earlier self) would not have believed. “I used to think I didn’t have a type. But more and more I think I do. She’s kind of you.” 

 

My fragile, I-am-not-worthy, ego struggled to receive those words, she still does. This Adonis thinks I’m his type? How ridiculous! 

 

How I did not fall onto his body and beg him to fuck me I do not know. And writing this, I really hope he did not confuse my professionalism for rejection.

 

Instead I walked him down to the shower and returned to my room to begin tidying away the session, to begin my transition back to wife and mother.

 

He returned, cleaned and as beautiful as ever. And we engaged in small talk as he dressed. I thanked him for being so accommodating about my delivery, I asked about his work – how very English and we talked about the hot dry spell we had had – also how very English.

 

Then I showed him out. He walked away from me. I may never see him again. 

 

I had a beautiful experience with an incredibly beautiful man. I am immensely proud of myself for maintaining boundaries and proving to myself that I am, still, however tempted, a professional. 

 

But, I have crossed a professional rubicon, for the first time in a decade working as Anabelle, I want something from one of my clients. 

 

I want him to message me and book another session. 

 

I want a Kama session with my Adonis.